Post by Admin on Aug 14, 2009 12:55:51 GMT -5
This in no way has anything to do with anyone here in this forum. I'm posting this here in case other people besides myself need this advice.
Five Danger Signals That Warn That You Are Being Manipulated (Conned) written by Mark Dykeman in Psychology, October 29, 2007
Some people will work hard to covertly control other people. Here’s how to tell when people are trying to manipulate you.
Some people in this world are kings and queens of the art of getting their own way. It’s amazing how some people are able to achieve their whims through the use of persuasion or deception. The true masters are the ones who steer other people and events when they lack power or responsibility.
These greedy folks are also the agents of chaos in groups and organizations, pursuing selfish hidden agendas for their own gain.
It’s quite true that people can achieve great things by working together. Great constructions, organizations, and ideas are created by group effort.
Some of these things are done for altruistic or practical reasons. Other achievements are purely the result of ego and greed. Learning to work with other people is a valuable skill. However, the manipulator, a person who attempts to motivate while hiding their true intentions, is best avoided whenever possible.
If you want to get through life without being conned by a manipulative person, then you’ll need to learn how to tell if you are being manipulated.
Here are five methods to help you tell if you are being manipulated.
Manipulators Act Differently Toward You When They Want Something.
Watch for sudden changes in the way that a requester (a potential
manipulator, someone who wants you to help them for selfish purposes) behaves toward you:
* They compliment you more often (assuming they ever did),
particularly with regards to your valuable skills, knowledge and experience.
* You suddenly become this person’s “buddy”, “pal” or “friend”. They might use your first or last names more often than normal. The requester smiles at you more often, but the smile never reaches their eyes.
* They seem interested in what you are doing. However, these are often shallow expressions of interest followed by impatience and rapid shift of subject or attention. Manipulators are always looking for opportunities and can be distracted rather easily.
* They seem eager to please you. You’ll get the occasional gift or freebie from a manipulator. Just remember that a manipulator is too smart or cheap to invest a lot of money in you at this point, so they probably didn’t pay for the gifts.
* The requester makes public expressions of support and need for you. Can you say “flattery”?
This positive behavior ceases after you are no longer needed or useful. If they are looking for long term help from you, the good times may roll on for some time.
The key thing to remember is that you should be cautious if the requester’s behavior toward you has changed from negative or indifferent to positive and you don’t know them very well.
What are you being asked to do? Does it make good sense?
When someone starts treating you differently, particularly when you are engaged in helping them, it’s a good idea to examine what you are doing for them:
* Does this work request seem irrational or counter-intuitive?
* Is it clearly to the requester’s advantage for you to provide help in the way that you are being asked?
* Does this person give you evasive or defensive replies if you ask too many questions?
* Do you get vague promises of rewards which are implied more than promised (e.g. “I have some money coming soon, I'll send you some money then.”).
* Are you doing the hard, dirty, or unpleasant work that the requester is responsible for?
* Does the requester want you to do something that you might not normally do (or don’t want to do)?
* Are you being asked to do anything illegal, unethical, or contrary to your beliefs?
You should exercise caution and get more information if the answer if “yes” to two or more of these questions.
Is Anyone Else Besides You Helping The Manipulator?
Beware if it looks like you are being asked to do a solo job:
* No one else seems willing to do this for the requester.
* You’re told that other people will only help if you will do it first.
There’s often a good reason why no one else is helping the requester. You might be the last resort after everyone else says no. Maybe they know something that you don’t.
Is There an Air of Secrecy?
Does this assignment feel like a covert operation?
* Is the requester trying to play on your feelings of solidarity and loyalty?
* Is the requester quick to scorn or punish if you start to deviate from their plans?
If you don’t understand why the request is being kept secret, and you can’t find out, be wary.
Why You?
It’s usually flattering to be asked for your help. However, you should also consider why you are being asked.
* You are the obvious choice for this task because of your skills and experience: You probably get asked for a lot of help from a lot of people and your calendar may be full. Therefore, a manipulator works extra hard to get your services.
* You are not the obvious choice for this task: be careful if you are being asked to do something particularly controversial, secret, or difficult. You might be used as a patsy or a scapegoat to protect the manipulator.
It’s a shame that there are people in the world who will take advantage of the good nature of other people, but this does happen frequently. It pays to do some homework before making a commitment, especially to someone that you do not know. Before you commit yourself to any major piece of work, you should take a few minutes and run through this checklist.
If you don’t like the answers that you are getting from the requester/manipulator, put on the brakes and make sure that you fully understand what kind of person you are dealing with. Research, don't be afraid to ask questions from other people who may have been a prior victim.
A little due diligence at the beginning can save a great deal of pain and anguish later on.
Five Danger Signals That Warn That You Are Being Manipulated (Conned) written by Mark Dykeman in Psychology, October 29, 2007
Some people will work hard to covertly control other people. Here’s how to tell when people are trying to manipulate you.
Some people in this world are kings and queens of the art of getting their own way. It’s amazing how some people are able to achieve their whims through the use of persuasion or deception. The true masters are the ones who steer other people and events when they lack power or responsibility.
These greedy folks are also the agents of chaos in groups and organizations, pursuing selfish hidden agendas for their own gain.
It’s quite true that people can achieve great things by working together. Great constructions, organizations, and ideas are created by group effort.
Some of these things are done for altruistic or practical reasons. Other achievements are purely the result of ego and greed. Learning to work with other people is a valuable skill. However, the manipulator, a person who attempts to motivate while hiding their true intentions, is best avoided whenever possible.
If you want to get through life without being conned by a manipulative person, then you’ll need to learn how to tell if you are being manipulated.
Here are five methods to help you tell if you are being manipulated.
Manipulators Act Differently Toward You When They Want Something.
Watch for sudden changes in the way that a requester (a potential
manipulator, someone who wants you to help them for selfish purposes) behaves toward you:
* They compliment you more often (assuming they ever did),
particularly with regards to your valuable skills, knowledge and experience.
* You suddenly become this person’s “buddy”, “pal” or “friend”. They might use your first or last names more often than normal. The requester smiles at you more often, but the smile never reaches their eyes.
* They seem interested in what you are doing. However, these are often shallow expressions of interest followed by impatience and rapid shift of subject or attention. Manipulators are always looking for opportunities and can be distracted rather easily.
* They seem eager to please you. You’ll get the occasional gift or freebie from a manipulator. Just remember that a manipulator is too smart or cheap to invest a lot of money in you at this point, so they probably didn’t pay for the gifts.
* The requester makes public expressions of support and need for you. Can you say “flattery”?
This positive behavior ceases after you are no longer needed or useful. If they are looking for long term help from you, the good times may roll on for some time.
The key thing to remember is that you should be cautious if the requester’s behavior toward you has changed from negative or indifferent to positive and you don’t know them very well.
What are you being asked to do? Does it make good sense?
When someone starts treating you differently, particularly when you are engaged in helping them, it’s a good idea to examine what you are doing for them:
* Does this work request seem irrational or counter-intuitive?
* Is it clearly to the requester’s advantage for you to provide help in the way that you are being asked?
* Does this person give you evasive or defensive replies if you ask too many questions?
* Do you get vague promises of rewards which are implied more than promised (e.g. “I have some money coming soon, I'll send you some money then.”).
* Are you doing the hard, dirty, or unpleasant work that the requester is responsible for?
* Does the requester want you to do something that you might not normally do (or don’t want to do)?
* Are you being asked to do anything illegal, unethical, or contrary to your beliefs?
You should exercise caution and get more information if the answer if “yes” to two or more of these questions.
Is Anyone Else Besides You Helping The Manipulator?
Beware if it looks like you are being asked to do a solo job:
* No one else seems willing to do this for the requester.
* You’re told that other people will only help if you will do it first.
There’s often a good reason why no one else is helping the requester. You might be the last resort after everyone else says no. Maybe they know something that you don’t.
Is There an Air of Secrecy?
Does this assignment feel like a covert operation?
* Is the requester trying to play on your feelings of solidarity and loyalty?
* Is the requester quick to scorn or punish if you start to deviate from their plans?
If you don’t understand why the request is being kept secret, and you can’t find out, be wary.
Why You?
It’s usually flattering to be asked for your help. However, you should also consider why you are being asked.
* You are the obvious choice for this task because of your skills and experience: You probably get asked for a lot of help from a lot of people and your calendar may be full. Therefore, a manipulator works extra hard to get your services.
* You are not the obvious choice for this task: be careful if you are being asked to do something particularly controversial, secret, or difficult. You might be used as a patsy or a scapegoat to protect the manipulator.
It’s a shame that there are people in the world who will take advantage of the good nature of other people, but this does happen frequently. It pays to do some homework before making a commitment, especially to someone that you do not know. Before you commit yourself to any major piece of work, you should take a few minutes and run through this checklist.
If you don’t like the answers that you are getting from the requester/manipulator, put on the brakes and make sure that you fully understand what kind of person you are dealing with. Research, don't be afraid to ask questions from other people who may have been a prior victim.
A little due diligence at the beginning can save a great deal of pain and anguish later on.